My child overeats and sneaks food... what can I do to help?
If you're like many parents, you may be struggling with a child who overeats and sneaks food. This can be a difficult problem to deal with, but don't worry - we have seen and heard it all, and we're here to help! In this blog, we will discuss the causes of overeating and sneaking food, as well as some tips for how to deal with the problem. (Before reading on, please read medical disclaimer* below)
Ok, so through a little detective work, or a surprise encounter, you have come to realize that your child has been sneaking food. You are not alone.
Some signs that a child is sneaking food are:
Hiding food in their room
Not wanting to eat meals with the family
Finding empty wrappers, crumbs or dishes in unusual places
Food is gone from the cabinets faster than expected.
Why might my child overeat and sneak food?
Hunger
They may be trying to satisfy a true hunger that isn't being met by the food they're given, or they may be seeking out junk food because they're craving something sweet or salty that is not allowed. In some cases, a child may simply want more food because they're having a growth spurt and their appetite has increased.
Scarcity
Scarcity may be an issue. In some cases, a child may be hoarding food because they're anxious about not having enough food to eat in the future. Children who grow up in homes with food scarcity often develop Sneaky Eating Behaviors (SEBs). SEBs are a set of behaviors that children use to hide or hoarde food. These behaviors can include secret eating, taking extra food when given the opportunity, and stealing food from others. Children develop SEBs because they have grown up in an environment where food is scarce and they have learned that they need to hide food in order to survive.
Feelings of judgment, guilt, or embarrassment around eating food
A child might feel guilty about eating certain foods for many reasons. They may experience feelings of guilt if they think they are not supposed to be eating certain foods or if they think they are not supposed to be hungry. Whatever the reason, a child's guilt can lead to many negative consequences, such as hiding food, overeating, and an unhealthy relationship with food.
They may hide food because they are embarrassed about their eating behaviors or feel like they are being judged by other family members. This can happen in chidlren with any body size. If a child feels they should stop eating, they may continue in secret.
Emotional Eating
Emotional eating: Many children find emotions to be too difficult to manage at times. Whether it is anxiety, sadness, stress, or boredom, these emotional needs can be difficult and sometimes food provides comfort or distraction.
Whatever the reason, it's important to try to create a healthy relationship with food in your household. If your child is sneaking food, take the time to talk to them about why they're doing it and see if there's anything you can do to address the issue.
How to start a productive conversation about a child sneaking food.
One important aspect of being a parent is having difficult conversations with your children. While it may not be easy, it is essential in order to help them understand the world around them and make healthy decisions. Here are some steps that can help make these conversations go more smoothly:
First, inquire about what is going on in your child's life. Ask open-ended questions and really listen to their answers. This will let them know that you care about them and their experiences. Do not interrupt except to offer acknowledgment.
Express empathy for how they are feeling. Acknowledging their feelings will help them feel understood and valued.
Ask permission to problem solve in a way that is respectful and supportive.
By following these steps, you can encourage open communication and help your child navigate these difficult emotions. Here are two examples.
Example 1:
Parent: "I noticed that there are some empty candy wrappers in your room, and I want to check in with you. Can you tell me a little about what is going on?" (pause and wait, and wait, and wait if you need to)
Child: "You guys never let me have candy like other children. I'm a good student and I get hungry when I am up late studying. I know it's not healthy, but it's really not a big deal.
Parent: "That must be tough to feel restricted, especially when you need energy to do your schoolwork. Can we figure out a plan together so that you're not so hungry, and you don't have to sneak food?"
Example 2:
Parent: "I noticed that there are some empty candy wrappers in your room, and I want to check in with you. Can you tell me a little about what is going on?" (pause and wait, and wait, and wait if you need to)
Child: "I mean, I keep gaining weight no matter what I eat. Other kids eat this kind of food all the time. All I eat is healthy food. And no matter what, I just gain weight. I feel angry that healthy kids can eat whatever they want and I can't"
Parent: "It's hard to feel different from your friends, and I'm sorry that some food choices don't work well with your body. It's not fair. It makes sense that you are frustrated and angry. Could we come up with a plan together so that you don't feel the need to sneak food though? Even if it means having candy bars sometimes, I don't want you to feel like you need to hide it"
Brainstorming solutions together will help the child feel supported and respected, rather than feeling like they're in trouble. Plus, it will likely be more effective in curbing the behavior than simply telling them not to sneak food. Thank the child for being honest with you and let them know how much you appreciate their cooperation in finding a solution.
How can I help my child stop sneaking food?
Scan Your Meal Environment
Let's face it. Feeding kids can be hard, and sometimes we don't get the balance quite right. Let's start by doing an audit of eating patterns these are the four questions I would ask:
First, are you eating together as a family? Regular mealtimes and a predictable snack schedule provide structure and give kids the chance to model their eating behavior on yours. It's also an opportunity to catch up with each other and bond over shared experiences.
Second, are you eating mindfully? This means being present and aware of what you're eating, without distractions like TV or phones. It helps to savor your food and enjoy the experience of eating. When we eat mindfully, we're more likely to enjoy our meals and snacks and be more satisfied.
Third, are you commenting on portion sizes or weight? We want our kids to develop a healthy relationship with food, and comments like these can fuel body image concerns and disordered eating. Instead, focus on the joy of eating and emphasize healthy foods without demonizing any particular food group.
Fourth, are there forbidden foods? These foods often include high-fat and high-sugar items like cake, cookies, and ice cream. While it's important to limit these foods, completely forbidding them can actually lead to more problems. Research shows when children are deprived of their favorite foods, they often end up eating lots when they finally do have access to them. This can lead to weight gain and other health problems. Instead of completely banning these foods, Ellyn Satter recommends that parents offer them in small amounts at regular meals. This way, children can learn to develop a healthy relationship with food.
Put in Place a Plan to Help Your Child Avoid Sneaking Foods.
To avoid sneaking food, set clear expectations about food.
Sometimes, kids don't know that sneaking or hoarding food is one of many possible poor eating habits. You can help your child by setting clear expectations about when and where food is eaten. The family table is a great choice. Help your child develop improved health habits by eating all meals and snacks at the table - this goes for parents too. This will help everyone to be more mindful of what they are eating and create a healthier relationship with food. In order to ensure that this is comfortable for everyone to eat in the open, make sure that there is no commentary about foods when eating at the family table.
Identify emotions and emotional eating.
It's important for children to develop healthy eating habits that will stick with them for life. Part of being a healthy eater is understanding the difference between physical hunger and emotional hunger. Physical hunger gradually builds and is a result of an empty stomach. It can be satisfied by a number of different foods. Emotional hunger, on the other hand, comes on quickly and feels urgent. It's often triggered by a specific event or mood and results in cravings for a specific food or type of food. For example, emotional eaters may crave chocolate after getting a disappointing grade. It's important for children to learn how to identify their hunger cues so they can develop a healthy relationship with food.
Emotional eating is often triggered by events or emotions that are difficult to deal with. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to overcome emotional eating. If you suspect that your child may be for emotions, the first thing I would do (I would ask nothing about the food) is just ask them to identify their emotions.
Step One: Identify the Emotion.
A young child's emotions can range from elation to rage, happiness to sadness, and everything in between. As they grow and learn more about the world around them, they may feel a wider range of emotions as well. Once you identify the emotion, it can be easier to manage it.
Step Two: Brainstorm healthy ways to experience this emotion
When we're faced with difficult emotions, it can be hard to know how to cope. We may feel like we're drowning in our sadness, anger, or anxiety. But there are things we can do to help ourselves feel better. Here are some examples:
•Talk to someone who will understand and listen without judging. This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or counselor.
•Express yourself through writing, art, music, or other creative outlets.
•Get moving! Exercise releases endorphins and can help improve our mood. Taking a brisk walk or going for a run can make a big difference.
•Spend time in nature. Being in nature can help us feel more connected and at peace. Even if it's just a few minutes spent sitting in the park or walking in the woods, it can help us feel better.
These are just a few examples of things people can do to cope with difficult emotions. I regularly encourage teens to take note of what activities help you feel calm. Then, when feeling overwhelmed, they can try one of these activities and see if it helps.
It’s perfectly normal to feel sad, anxious, or angry from time to time. But if you find that your negative emotions are interfering with your day-to-day life, it may be time to seek professional help. A counselor can provide you with the tools and support you need to work through your emotions in a healthy way. They can also help you to understand your triggers and develop coping strategies for dealing with difficult situations. If you’re struggling to cope with your emotions, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. With awareness and effort, you can break the cycle of emotional eating and lead a healthier life.
Ask, Don't Sneak
Let your kids know that they can always come to you and ask for something to eat, but that they should try to eat meals at the table with the family whenever possible. If they're really hungry and it's not mealtime, then they can have a snack, but they should try to eat it in moderation. This policy will help to discourage secretive eating and allow your kids to feel like they can always come to you when they're hungry.
A Special Note About Children With Excess Weight Who Sneak Food
When it comes to weight loss in children, it is important to get the food sneaking under control first. This means that kids should not try to change their eating habits before they are able to eat openly without judgement. Kids should not feel like they have to eat healthy food, but rather that they can eat whatever they want as long as it is not done in secret.
One of the doctors that I used to work with at the Stanford Pedaitric Weight Clinic used to say the first step is to sit at the table "if you are going to eat a whole cake, eat a whole cake, but do it sitting at the table, without electronics". Often we would see some weight loss with this intervention, because when meals and snacks are eaten at the table without distractions, kids get more attuned to their hunger ques. For other helpful tips, check out our resources on helping your child with weight loss, talking to your child about weight or dealing with a child with excessive hunger.
Once kids (and parents) are able to eat without judgement, then they can begin to make changes to their diet and physical activity levels. By getting the food sneaking under control first, you will set your child up for success in making lasting movement towards their healthy weight.
Could this be an eating disorder?
Eating disorders are common and treatable. Eating disorders can occur in children and adults of any body size.
What is binge eating disorder?
Binge eating disorder, the most common eating disorder in the United States, is characterized by recurrent episodes of eating large quantities of food; a feeling of a loss of control during the binge; experiencing shame, distress or guilt afterwards . Unlike people with binge eating disorder, people with bulimia nervosa have cycles of binge eating followed by compensatory behaviors such as self-induced vomiting designed to undo or compensate for the effects of binge eating.
If you think your child may have an eating disorder, please seek professional help. Treating an eating disorder requires a team of professionals, and the sooner you get help, the better. Eating Disorder support is available at the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA).
Next Steps
So, there you have it, folks! We've discussed the causes of why your child may overeat or sneak food, how to talk about it with them, and how to set up your family for success. I hope this guide has been helpful for you and that you're feeling more equipped to deal with this situation. If you find you are needing more support, feel free to check out our free resources at Weight Loss For Kids, or learn about our program. Remember, every child is different and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. But with a little patience and trial and error, you'll find what works for your family. Thank you for reading!
*Note: In no way is this blog article medical advice, and you should always discuss your concerns with your medical provider. The information in this blog post is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read online.
